I would like to start with love. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought i could love and that love runs so deep and so fiercely that I could never see myself without you. You were my better half, someone who could always make me smile and reason with the chaos that was in my head. You were amazing and everything that i not only needed but wanted. My rock.
It wasn’t until very recently that all the times you’ve told me that “maybe we’re not working” or “maybe we’re not meant to be together” has finally started to set in. Like a drop of blood in water, it first kept to itself, but slowly and surly began to change the water. I guess what i’m trying to say is that I’m starting to realize that maybe you’re not for me, that we shouldn’t be together anymore. God. Seeing that typed up spooks me. I just don’t know anymore. I feel like we’re traveling at two different levels and right now things just aren’t lining up anymore. Tonight is the last straw i guess. 4:13AM… I was suppose to see your beautiful, smiling face 2 hours ago.
Ugh. I can’t. I love you. But I can’t anymore.
i never ever got the feeling that we weren’t working out but i guess that feeling is slowly starting to sink in. i’m scared. I don’t want it to get to the point where we hate each other.
miss you like crazy.
I’m tired of fighting babe.
i really miss how everything use to be. how excited we would get, how much we missed each other and how everything about you was just so contagious. i miss how we use to love, how we use to look at each other and just never let go. I miss how you use to tell me you’d never leave, how i was the one and how you’d want to spend the rest of your life with me. i miss it all.
you once told me you were in love. that you would never give up on us, that you’d never walk away from adversity. where did that guy go. God knows how much i need him now.
I hate you.
I think you’re a piece of shit sometimes. And I hate that everything is always about your selfish ass. I hate you right now.
You’ve been a fucking cold hearted asshole tonight. I know that often when I call you names they’re unwarranted, but tonight you deserve them all.
I’m not a fucking mind reader. I had a really good night and I was really excited to share it with you, not realizing that 7 hrs prior when we said things were fine, they wernt. So I was unaware you spent over 7 hours being pissed then needing space. You’re a fucking horrible communicator and I’m glad you’re not angry more often. When I’m angry, and that accounts for roughly 85% of the times we fight, at least I’ll tell you exactly what I want and why I’m mad. But you… You’re the fucking worst. You’re a passive aggressive, difficult fuck. You don’t communicate, you don’t try and prevent an argument, you just except to sit there, treat people like shit and then have everything go your way. Sorry princess, life doesn’t work that way. The only way you’re going to get what to want is to speak the fuck up and communicate. And don’t fucking tell me your sorry and keep committing the same crime. When I’m angry, there’s always an end, when you’re angry, I can’t ever see the light at the end.
I’m so frustrated and I was telling the truth when I said I’d like to wake up and be hit by a car. Maybe that would teach you to leave loved ones with loving words. I told you before that mean to me is actions…and your actions tonight were disgusting. I’m not saying I was right today, but it’s interesting that you asked me if my mood justifies how I treat you…well I ask you the same. Do two wrongs make a right? Does taking an eye for an eye let everyone still see?
God when you’re difficult you are more selfish then anyone I’ve ever met. It’s frustrating. So goddamn fucking frustrating. But I still love you. Maybe I’m just a big fucking idiot.
Please stop being a moron otherwise you’ll lose what you love.
I’ve been saying this alot, but I miss taking pictures. I miss seeing all the still shots of life; reflecting on beauty forever frozen in time. I wish I had a lot more time.
More than anything, I really wish I had more pictures of us.